I was basically asked two questions: Are you afraid of dying? Is that fear why you’re still here?
As to the fear question, the short answer is yes, but it’s more complicated than that. However, that fear is not why I’m still alive. But that question certainly got me thinking… Why am I still here?
I think what I hate most of all is having to deal with all of this in the first place. I don’t want to have to deal with suicide. I don’t want to have to deal with death. But I must because I have something else I have to deal with, something I never wanted to deal with, something I wish I never had: life.
But, oh, how I so do not want to deal with any of this! I want to be spared from life, but in order to do that I must face…